I woke up this morning, and my first thoughts were of studying for my Chinese quiz, going to work this evening, and pulling an all nighter for my CR class.
And entire 13 minutes passed before the thought of a cigarette went through my mind.
I'm down to two cigarettes a day that I bum from friends, and if I can't bum, then not a cig I smoke. I haven't bought a pack since Saturday, and I never will again (until August...maybe).
GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW--RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
[glory]
Showing posts with label smoking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smoking. Show all posts
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Warning!
You think I'm a bitch, a fiend, a scalawag, and a sassy-pants now:
Wait until I stop smoking.
I just bought what I intend to be my last pack of cigarettes. I'm on my way home in a few hours, armed with lots of off-brand Nicorette gum, so that I can be comfortable as I go through my detox. I went to TJs and purchased my first loyal brand of cigarettes--Newports, more than a dollar more than when I first started smoking fulltime at 16 --so that I can go out with a bang. When the cashier rang up the purchase, I noticed that the price was $4.94 on the register. The cashier told me it was $4.95.
I got cheated out of the penny that was rightfully mine.
I think this shows that, with smoking, you can't win.
I haven't been so anxious to this degree for such a long time. I think I'll get past the withdrawl (night sweats, headaches, anxiety, coughing up random shit, the desperation) as if I were going through a very bad cold, but I'm more worried about failing and disappointing others and myself more than anything else.
The last time I tried to quit was during sophomore year, I think. I made it two days and broke down, and then I had to tell the two people I told about it (Laura and Bomi) that I had failed. I think I cried about it when I was alone, but I'm not sure, as I have a tendency to overdramatize things. The worse part was not the craziness that insued (I should be able to take care of that with with gum) but more-so the fear of putting a crack in my image and admitting defeat to a substance. I mean, it's a cigarette, not heroine!
I'm moving back my original quitting date of May 10, 2009 because 1) the tax is kicking in sooner and 2) I don't want my gown to smell like cigs, nor do I want to deal with the stress of trying to sneak off and smoke. I also want to do it because I'm entering a new phase in my life, and I want to be already prepared for it, not still working up the nerve.
So, yea, when I drag out this pack and smoke my last cigarette, there will be hell to pay for everyone.
God speed.
Wait until I stop smoking.
I just bought what I intend to be my last pack of cigarettes. I'm on my way home in a few hours, armed with lots of off-brand Nicorette gum, so that I can be comfortable as I go through my detox. I went to TJs and purchased my first loyal brand of cigarettes--Newports, more than a dollar more than when I first started smoking fulltime at 16 --so that I can go out with a bang. When the cashier rang up the purchase, I noticed that the price was $4.94 on the register. The cashier told me it was $4.95.
I got cheated out of the penny that was rightfully mine.
I think this shows that, with smoking, you can't win.
I haven't been so anxious to this degree for such a long time. I think I'll get past the withdrawl (night sweats, headaches, anxiety, coughing up random shit, the desperation) as if I were going through a very bad cold, but I'm more worried about failing and disappointing others and myself more than anything else.
The last time I tried to quit was during sophomore year, I think. I made it two days and broke down, and then I had to tell the two people I told about it (Laura and Bomi) that I had failed. I think I cried about it when I was alone, but I'm not sure, as I have a tendency to overdramatize things. The worse part was not the craziness that insued (I should be able to take care of that with with gum) but more-so the fear of putting a crack in my image and admitting defeat to a substance. I mean, it's a cigarette, not heroine!
I'm moving back my original quitting date of May 10, 2009 because 1) the tax is kicking in sooner and 2) I don't want my gown to smell like cigs, nor do I want to deal with the stress of trying to sneak off and smoke. I also want to do it because I'm entering a new phase in my life, and I want to be already prepared for it, not still working up the nerve.
So, yea, when I drag out this pack and smoke my last cigarette, there will be hell to pay for everyone.
God speed.
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