Penis!

(more frequently update at frozensilver17.livejournal.com, 'cause China does not block it...bastards)

OMG, Chinese people--

STOP LOOKING AT MY PENIS!

I'm talking to the men specifically. Whenever I go to the bathroom and I'm at the urinal that's placed too low, I'mma need for you to stop trying to catch a peak at what's betwixt my legs! It's not all the time, but it's enough times for me to notice. I know I look different, but isn't enough that you study my hair, skin, height, weight, shoe size, and all those other things that make me stand out? Must my penis also fall prey to your investigations?

And they're so sly about it. They don't turn their entire head and pee over the (unlikely) division between the urinals, but ever so obviously look out of the corners of their eyes to see what's up.Meanwhile, bathroom etiquette and standards of privacy are just thrown out of the window. In America, when we menfolk do our business, we pull close to the urinal so that no one might be offended by our naughty bits.

The Chinese, however, don't, and will stand about 3 feet away from the urinal, stream and all visible to anyone who walks past. It is not uncommon for a guy to see another guy's wang in public here, but even more so, it is even encouraged with all the public bathing and rituals that kids carry out, like telling their foreign English teacher that the classmates penis is very big, and that his own is very small. Chinese boys, though, are like monkeys--always climbing on each other, giving each other massages, sometimes holding hands, undoubtedly linking arms...I'd get turned on if I didn't prefer to play with kids my own age.So, yes--China likes the ding-ding. And my ding-ding is a fancy new toy.

Let the games begin ^____^

Reposted

At Starbucks again... I never thought I'd be a Starbucks fan since I worked for its closest rival for a year.

Earlier today it was raining, as Grandma used to say, "pitchforks and nigger babies." I'm not sure if she would've wanted me to say that she said that, but she did say that, and it was funny 'cause it just kind of popped out of her mouth and I was like all like, "Grandma! I can't believe you said that! Hahahaha!" As it gets closer to the one year mark of when she went home, I'm sad that she's not around, but not as sad as if we had not settled all our debts.

I remember about a year ago going to her house to say goodbye before I went to China. We had a good talk about why I wawsn't going to church and hadn't gone that day (I'm a bad boy), but I left feeling encouraged, loved, and forgivin for my transgressions. I remember kissing her on the cheek, telling her I loved her (and being told I was loved), and also saying I would see her again before either one of us knew it. The last part is equally true--we will see each other again someday, and in the meantime, I'm going to live the kind of life that hopefully will make people remember me as fondly when I pass on.

I swear I'm taking pictures! I have quite a few--of my neighborhood, the campus on which I teach, some random gardens and buddhas, nights out with friends...but when i tired to upload them I had some issues, so I gave up. I'll try again, or I'll put them somewhere else and send you all the link. Tomorrow, I start teaching. I made this beautiful Powerpoint presentation only to go to MY classroom (yes, it's all mine--I have the key and everything), only to find out that most of my equipment is hard to find out, especially when it's written in Chinese. Even more strange, I didn't find any chalk in the classroom, nor erasers--I'm not sure if I have to provide them myself or not, but if I do, I might as well be working at some underfunded, inner-city school in the states. Think of me as Michelle Phifer in Dangerous Minds, only I'm a black man and my students are Chinese.

Speaking of my students, I see them all over campus the last couple of days, and I swear they're having "black man sightings" or something. When they see me, they go "Waaaaa..." (translation: Chinese for "whoooooo!") and tell their friends. Today, I went into McDonald's and one of my students told the person on the phone that he saw the foriegn teacher in Chinese. I turned around and said "Yes, you're right! You got it" in Chinese to him, and of course he felt all bashful and stuff. Oh well, I'm a celebrity before I even step into the classroom--I just got to make sure I can back it up.

Speaking of being black, my contact teachers are ridiculous. Apparently, they had a black teacher before me, so the contact teacher thought it was fitting to tell me, "You don't have a black accent." I was like, "Um...no, I don't. *smile*" She then said that the person was some dude from Georgia, and knowing how black people talk in Georgia, I completely understand where she was coming from ^_^ (shoutout to the Augusta clan!). She then asked me did I play any sports >_> to which I said I was focusing on my studies for most of school so I didn't play. She then replied she heardt that black people are good at sports, and I told her that was a scandelous lie. Next time I should tell her, "Yes, we are good at sports. And dancing, singing, making babies, running the United States, writing books, killing people, having HIV, and filling people with the Holy Ghost." Yes, black people are a very diverse group, just like ANY OTHER RACE. But since I don't want to get fired or scare this Chinese woman silly, I'll hold back.
I also let cool Chinese people touch my hair. This Chinese girl I met through a person in the program who speaks fantastic English likes to touch my hair. Usually I would say no, but she is just so fascinated by it I let it slide. I'm building cross-cultural bridges every day ^_^.

The coffee is starting to hit me, as you might be able to tell 'cause I'm writing really silly things :-)