If all goes according to plan, and the recently appeared, strong as hell Typhoon Jiangmi ("rose" in Korean) doesn't send me back home, I should be in Shenzhen to see Diadra (and Ben and Daegan, but since I'm crashing at her pad, she gets first billing) in 4 hours.
It's 4AM, and I'm still awake from last night. I'm still awake from last night, unless you count that one hour nap.
Lesson learned: I'll no longer book flights for 7:55am. I'm such a chronic oversleepaholic that I can't afford to sleep (literally; I paid for a plane ticket and gosh-darn I'm going to be on it).
updates coming soon~!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Beautification/Waving and Smiling/Mr. Paylor
Takes a lot to look this good.
And a lot of soju. Notice the hand clutching my imaginary weave.
Do you like my style?
Sweet intoxication--burning white taste for gleaming white skin.
A very tender moment.
After using this mask, of course, my skin was whitened. It's still a little off-color, but, it's a small price to pay for skin that gleams like the moon. Oh, China and its whitening fascination...
--
--
It was the first dream she had about my grandma since she passed away that she remembered.
The dream goes along these lines: Grandma is sick and needs to go to the hospital. My uncle Larry calls, and my mom tells him that they (she and my Aunt Sandra) are going to take my grandma to the hospital. The ambulance comes over to the house, and Grandma is in the back of the van sitting on the gurney. Instead of laying down and being in pain, as is typical in situations likes these, she is sitting in the back of the ambulance on top of the gurney, waving and smiling.
Waving and smiling. Waving goodbye to this world and smiling because she's going to a new one. My mom sees this dream as a sign from my grandma that she saying goodbye, and for us not to worry. She died in the hospital, which is something I'm very sad about, but this dream...
If I had a thousand tongues, I couldn't thank God enough.
Less than a month after the fact, and we finally get a sign from the Otherside that she's doing all right. I guess Grandma needed some time to get settled before she could contact us.
I hope I have a dream like my moms. It'll put my mind at further ease.
It hurts to miss someone. So much. But as I wrote before, I'm happy at the same time. Knowing that Grandma is happy in turn makes me happy. Waving and smiling--so pleased with things and so happy to leave this world behind. Amazing.
--
More later about my first time teaching English at the Xiamen Institute of Oceanography to a class of about 35 young adults. Exciting, I know, but yet, it was~!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
麻将/Mahjong
Yan-bo, our guardian angel.
Beer and food. And maybe American food?
Beach from the other side of the island.
----
And I played with 3 other ex-pat gay men in the area.
In 嘉莲大厦, in the glitzier part of town far away from the beach, we drank beers and ate French Chicken-flavored Lay's Chips. I learned some local gossip and what's it's like to teach English in this city to all types of Chinese (children, professionals, housewives, etc).
I learned that people are here who aren't learning the language. I'm feel helpless sometimes, not knowing the language. One dude couldn't read the first character in China, 中. I mean, really?
In class earlier that day, we talked about migration and a bit about the life of cab drivers here in the city, since most of them are migrant workers (in fact, 2/3 of the population of the United States have moved from rural areas to urban ones in China). When going back to campus around 1:30 in the morning (with an 8 o'clock class!), I decided to talk to my cab driver. As we cruised past the people sleeping in the tunnels, along the beach, walking dressed in nothing but night-shirts and boxers...I turned and asked about his life. I didn't get his age, yet he looked younger than me or around the same age. He was from Henan 河南, and took about a 30 hr train to get to Xiamen. He only went home once a year, around the Mid-Autumn festival to see his family. He came with friends here, but where they are now who knows. He liked Xiamen because it was fairly small, not too congested like bigger cities, and he didn't get sick.
He said my Chinese was "good enough" 还可以.
To bad he can't tell directions to save his life. I knew he was heading the wrong way, but since I was a little buzzed and don't know Xiamen all that well, I didn't say anything. I paid twice going back then what I did going to homeboy's place to play Mahjong. I guess I paid not only for the trip, but for his company.
Nights are crazy like that.
Check out this blog. Ｉt's the business!
http://www.danwei.org/
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
台风！
Luke and I, at 胡里山
Inside cannon
More cannon stuff
One country-two systems. The statement faces Taiwan, and they have a return statement facing the Mainland.
A big-ass bonsai tree.
---
台风／颱風！
台风／颱風！
台 － typhoon
風 － wind
A typhoon is a-comin'!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3091909.stm
This might be my last entry...
tbc
Monday, September 22, 2008
我不是诗人 (I'm not a poet)
Let me preface this by repeating the title: I'm not a poet--I'm an orator.
However, everybody on both sides of the Atlantic was in my got'damn business. So, a response for those interested:
However, everybody on both sides of the Atlantic was in my got'damn business. So, a response for those interested:
"Ru is for Rupaul (Alternate Title: Impersonator)"
I never knew your name
because you didn't stay long
enough to tell me.
I was listening to the future--
You were out of breath from
running away from the
possibilities...you couldn't
croak out your name, much
less the gasp of a goodbye.
So many like you--
nameless, and therefore
baseless. No footholds among
the undefined
currents, by the seaside--
depthless.
Impressions pounded by
the tide until there's nothing
unique left about you.
I was lured by the comfort of a possibility...
Even knowing your name
is a pleasantry.
In 3 weeks time I would have
all but forgotten.
because you didn't stay long
enough to tell me.
I was listening to the future--
You were out of breath from
running away from the
possibilities...you couldn't
croak out your name, much
less the gasp of a goodbye.
So many like you--
nameless, and therefore
baseless. No footholds among
the undefined
currents, by the seaside--
depthless.
Impressions pounded by
the tide until there's nothing
unique left about you.
I was lured by the comfort of a possibility...
Even knowing your name
is a pleasantry.
In 3 weeks time I would have
all but forgotten.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Saturday, 胡里山, Beach Party
Inside the fort
Big cannon aimed at America...or not.
The war effort is supported by the hands of those most affected.
Did they really need words for the sign?
Old-school mechanics.
Saturday morning, we all had an early-ass class field trip down the road to Hu-Li Shan 胡里山. A fort constructed during the Qing Dynasty, China's most expansionist period, served as a fort against invaders as well as greater Xiamen's reinforcement of its stance as a leading trade port with the rest of Asia and the world. The fort today, having been restored by the government, serves as a testament to China's glorious maritime history. Such nods to history repeat themselves today, as recently as during the Opening Ceremony of the 2008 Summer Olympics...
(Stream of consciousness) Wesley liked my concoction so much that he drank the whole thing. We put our feet together and talked about how his were bigger than mine. I got to also go out with the Blazin' Asians (Carrie, Carrie, Ann, Chloe) and Claire for the first time, too, and I must say that those kids know how to show a boy like me a good time. The surprise of the evening: Chloe can dance her ass off! And Niefah. And the Robert character is pretty nice, and better this time than when he was high. He gave me the first Dorito I've had since being here. I swear, China ignites the water in my sign--I love the beach, the moon overhead, writing my grandma's name in the sand, drinking in spirits and Spirits...
I'm also not grounded here. China does that to its foreigners. It's the best soft power ever.
After that dose of history, I found myself heading back through town in a taxi with Luke later on in the night. We went to a party that was taking place near the Grand Asia Hotel. Yesterday night, an island-wide beach party was taking place among the foreigners and foreign-friendly Chinese. Beers were 10 kuai, mixed drinks 30 kuai and up. I came to the party with the mixture of green tea and soju, 'cause I'm a cheap-ass who likes to pre-game before such occasions. All of the it-people were there: the Koreans, the Dutch, and the Americans. Aside for some tension between me and a certain young man (which, everyone seems to know about) as well as the hit-n-miss selections the D.J. played, for the most part it was a very casual, laid-back affair. I danced for my first time on the sand, which is tricker than it looks. Beyonce makes it look so easy in "baby boy," but no! That is not the case at all, unless you're Dutch and somehow pull the most American and Ethnic dances from no where and you're like: Europe has got it going on in here.
(Stream of consciousness) Wesley liked my concoction so much that he drank the whole thing. We put our feet together and talked about how his were bigger than mine. I got to also go out with the Blazin' Asians (Carrie, Carrie, Ann, Chloe) and Claire for the first time, too, and I must say that those kids know how to show a boy like me a good time. The surprise of the evening: Chloe can dance her ass off! And Niefah. And the Robert character is pretty nice, and better this time than when he was high. He gave me the first Dorito I've had since being here. I swear, China ignites the water in my sign--I love the beach, the moon overhead, writing my grandma's name in the sand, drinking in spirits and Spirits...
I'm also not grounded here. China does that to its foreigners. It's the best soft power ever.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
My Life
Bo-Bing Decorations
The Beach right outside of the Bai-Cheng Gate
Rolling Deep with the Koreans
Lays Potato Chips...
Blueberry Flavor!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Pics, 前街演艺会所, 观唱KTV
Sometimes, I want to get the hell out.
A city on the hill? How about a high rise on the sea?
The street on the way out of the west gate of my campus.
Old writing carved in old rocks. No idea what it says, but the last character is about being scholastic or something like that.
I, like these trees, look best in soft night light.Last night, I went out with Phebe and Grace, along with 阿山 (A-Shan) and 阿龙 (A-Long), the two boys who cut hair at the place near our school who the girls are infatuated with，and マサ (Masa), the cute Japanese exchange student, last night. The plan was initially to go to out and KTV, but the place we went to ended up being full. 阿山, apparently, cut the hair or someone who worked at the club across the street, 前街演艺会所， so we ended up going there. Little did I know before going in that it was more a host club that a dancing bar, so we spent the majority of the time watching performances by women with dead eyes and keeping the company of two verrrry skinny hostesses who had a thing for the hair cutting boys. Whenever Phebe, Grace, マサ, and I got up to dance near our table, we were shut down by management who basically told us to stop being loud and blatant foreigners through the Chinese people with us.
After about 2 hours there, we headed back to the KTV bar across the street, 观唱KTV, and found a room. It was great singing with them all, enjoying peanuts and tomato-flavored Lay's chips, and getting special praise from 阿山 for being able to sing a song in Cantonese by, of course, 张国荣 (Leslie Cheung) called 无需要太多 (“No Need for Much"). I also liked trying to get the Japanese boy マサ to keep up with me through shots of beer (yea, I know--shots?). The last time I got a Japanese man drunk, all sorts of neat stuff happened in terms of what he revealed about himself. Japanese people rarely go abroad for undergrad, much less to China. He said that his dad does business in China and that he's really interested in Chinese culture (who isn't?), yet I don't completely believe that. Alcohol reveals everything that a person wants to keep secret. That's the secret to the CIA, I suppose.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Back in Black (Mourning)
These last days have been rough, but as my Grandma would want me to move ahead and keep doing what I'm doing, I will. Some things that have happened:
I went to a bar called 乡村列车酒吧，where I was treated to a night of gambling, drag queens, watermelon slices, prostitutes from the north （西安), and shot glasses of beer by a dude I met here named Bobby Chan （I'm wary of men named Bobby). He also invited me to meet 3 of his friends, forming a sort of QAF thing between all of them. Bobby (who never told me his Chinese name) is an importer of iron ore, and his friends include a musician for commercials and two accountants. It was boring for the most part, but an incite into how people live outside the glitz and glamour of Beijing.
Also, students from all over the world have been moving into our dorms. When we first got here, only the Koreans were around, quickly followed by the Dutch. We are the only groups currently taken classes. Since then, people from Mozambique, Liberia, Germany, Bulgaria, Bangladesh, Colombia, and other places have all moved in, and I've gotten acquainted with only those people (minus the ones from Liberia, who seem to measure me with their eyes but also carry a certain level of distain...maybe 'cause they know my hair is chemically processed...and my earrings...and the casual way I associate with people of all races...hmm...).
I've taken a particular liking to the Bulgarian. Who knows how that situation can progress from where it's already been.
Moreover, I've met some other Chinese people, mostly through my girl, Phebe. Hai-miao 海淼 is particularly interesting, along with his crush on Phebe and his general demeanor. He's an example of a person who knows too much, and therefore most leave the confines of his country. Sadly enough, I believe he's letting his knowledge corrupt him because he's so bitter about everything that takes place in his country. Now, I may not like America, but I don't hate it, and I think he's past that point. It's sad because, well, it's not easy for Chinese people to leave the country. He has no option but to bow to the powers that confine him in order to be released.
Besides that, played pool with 阿山, danced on the beach in front of the foreigners late at night, discovered a pretty bomb-ass Korean soap, 口交, and hung out in the lazy port city. It not for the chaos in my heart, things would be pretty much as I expected if not a little better.
And, FINALLY, with only 117.00 dollars in my bank account, I got my financial aid deposited today. I can finally rest easy with at least that matter taken care of.
Until later, and with more frequency~!
I went to a bar called 乡村列车酒吧，where I was treated to a night of gambling, drag queens, watermelon slices, prostitutes from the north （西安), and shot glasses of beer by a dude I met here named Bobby Chan （I'm wary of men named Bobby). He also invited me to meet 3 of his friends, forming a sort of QAF thing between all of them. Bobby (who never told me his Chinese name) is an importer of iron ore, and his friends include a musician for commercials and two accountants. It was boring for the most part, but an incite into how people live outside the glitz and glamour of Beijing.
Also, students from all over the world have been moving into our dorms. When we first got here, only the Koreans were around, quickly followed by the Dutch. We are the only groups currently taken classes. Since then, people from Mozambique, Liberia, Germany, Bulgaria, Bangladesh, Colombia, and other places have all moved in, and I've gotten acquainted with only those people (minus the ones from Liberia, who seem to measure me with their eyes but also carry a certain level of distain...maybe 'cause they know my hair is chemically processed...and my earrings...and the casual way I associate with people of all races...hmm...).
I've taken a particular liking to the Bulgarian. Who knows how that situation can progress from where it's already been.
Moreover, I've met some other Chinese people, mostly through my girl, Phebe. Hai-miao 海淼 is particularly interesting, along with his crush on Phebe and his general demeanor. He's an example of a person who knows too much, and therefore most leave the confines of his country. Sadly enough, I believe he's letting his knowledge corrupt him because he's so bitter about everything that takes place in his country. Now, I may not like America, but I don't hate it, and I think he's past that point. It's sad because, well, it's not easy for Chinese people to leave the country. He has no option but to bow to the powers that confine him in order to be released.
Besides that, played pool with 阿山, danced on the beach in front of the foreigners late at night, discovered a pretty bomb-ass Korean soap, 口交, and hung out in the lazy port city. It not for the chaos in my heart, things would be pretty much as I expected if not a little better.
And, FINALLY, with only 117.00 dollars in my bank account, I got my financial aid deposited today. I can finally rest easy with at least that matter taken care of.
Until later, and with more frequency~!
Friday, September 5, 2008
Grandma
My grandma went home to be with the Lord this morning around 6:00am CST.
I'm so torn up inside, being that I'm here and not there. I wish I could take part in the tears with my family, the planning, the arrangements, and all the other things that happen when someone passes away. But, what I can take a part in is the absolute trust in God's wisdom and goodness, the outstanding nature of His promise of eternal life, and the all encompassing love He showed my grandma in lifting her burdens, casting them aside, and inviting her home to claim her reward.
No one knows how good God is better than my grandma. She is a woman of such an inspirational faith that has taught me such valuable life lessons. She herself has experienced many of life's hardships and has always come out on top. She is sweet, loved by many, and a great chef ^_^. Before I left to come abroad, I got a chance to see her, and for my leaving she had made my favorite cake: the hummingbird. She was sad that I didn't go to church that Sunday, but we had a great discussion about it. She pulled at my heart strings in a way that no one else can make me feel. She a remarkable woman, a fantastic example of Christian life, and someone who I will always hold as an example all of humanity should follow.
She is home now, claiming her reward, and I can't help, through my profound sadness, to feel a joy beyond belief that she has traded her pain in for a crown.
All of you who know the words of prayer, please pray for me and my family in these times, and continue to praise and give thanks to God in all things. He truly is an awesome comforter.
And thank all those who prayed on her behalf. While I was praying for the wrong thing (for her to get better), I should have been praying for God's will to be done. This world all belongs to Him, and we are wise to remember that.
"What a Friend We Have in Jesus"
What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
2. Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
3. Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer! I
n his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.
I'm so torn up inside, being that I'm here and not there. I wish I could take part in the tears with my family, the planning, the arrangements, and all the other things that happen when someone passes away. But, what I can take a part in is the absolute trust in God's wisdom and goodness, the outstanding nature of His promise of eternal life, and the all encompassing love He showed my grandma in lifting her burdens, casting them aside, and inviting her home to claim her reward.
No one knows how good God is better than my grandma. She is a woman of such an inspirational faith that has taught me such valuable life lessons. She herself has experienced many of life's hardships and has always come out on top. She is sweet, loved by many, and a great chef ^_^. Before I left to come abroad, I got a chance to see her, and for my leaving she had made my favorite cake: the hummingbird. She was sad that I didn't go to church that Sunday, but we had a great discussion about it. She pulled at my heart strings in a way that no one else can make me feel. She a remarkable woman, a fantastic example of Christian life, and someone who I will always hold as an example all of humanity should follow.
She is home now, claiming her reward, and I can't help, through my profound sadness, to feel a joy beyond belief that she has traded her pain in for a crown.
All of you who know the words of prayer, please pray for me and my family in these times, and continue to praise and give thanks to God in all things. He truly is an awesome comforter.
And thank all those who prayed on her behalf. While I was praying for the wrong thing (for her to get better), I should have been praying for God's will to be done. This world all belongs to Him, and we are wise to remember that.
"What a Friend We Have in Jesus"
What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
2. Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
3. Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer! I
n his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Grandma
The main challenge of being away in a foreign country?
It's not missing family and friends. It's not the stares, the awkward bathrooms, nor being the last to know current events. It's not the stomach cramps, the lack of hand soap and napkins, not drinking water from the tap, mosquito bites, air pollution, nor being able to speak the language fluently.
It's not being around to care for the people who matter to you most.
My grandma had surgery earlier this week, and instead of getting better right away she has gotten worse (before getting better, I hope). My family is at the hospital now, waiting by her bedside in ICU, and contacting me via email since telephone is cumbersome and expensive. They're praying over there, and I'm over here praying as well. Even though, rationally speaking, I couldn't do much of anything here or there, I would at least be there.
This is the hardest pain of living abroad, and nothing can lessen it.
All of those who know the words of prayer, please pray for me and my family, so that we'll be all the Lord will have us to be.
It's not missing family and friends. It's not the stares, the awkward bathrooms, nor being the last to know current events. It's not the stomach cramps, the lack of hand soap and napkins, not drinking water from the tap, mosquito bites, air pollution, nor being able to speak the language fluently.
It's not being around to care for the people who matter to you most.
My grandma had surgery earlier this week, and instead of getting better right away she has gotten worse (before getting better, I hope). My family is at the hospital now, waiting by her bedside in ICU, and contacting me via email since telephone is cumbersome and expensive. They're praying over there, and I'm over here praying as well. Even though, rationally speaking, I couldn't do much of anything here or there, I would at least be there.
This is the hardest pain of living abroad, and nothing can lessen it.
All of those who know the words of prayer, please pray for me and my family, so that we'll be all the Lord will have us to be.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Gay and Alone
Today, I did laundry for the first time I've been here.
It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but it felt like something familiar and normal. I also had the chance to break away for a moment and be alone...and to feel comfortable with it.
I put in my Zune, just like America, walked around lost in my music, just like America, and watched TV, just like home.
I enjoy being alone sometimes. For the last few days we've been in groups, and although its great company, at times it's too many voices saying they want to go in different directions. Sometimes I end up doing not what I hate, but not exactly what I want to do. Today, it was nice to break away for a moment, collect myself, and decide that I wanted to do something as mundane as laundry. Alone.
What will I do when I come to China by myself and don't have a big group of people to relate to when I get here? I wanted to view this time in China as the practice run, and to really gain an idea of what it would be like to be here for an extended period of time. I can't do that if I'm in a nuclear America. I need to learn to think as a group and be around the cool American students, and when to be alone. Funny enough, when I'm by myself I more readily mix with Chinese people than when I have an American to talk to.
In other news, the owner of the vegetarian restaurant near our campus is gay, from Beijing, has a cute frame, and seemed to look me really hard in the eye (maybe he was focusing--I was speaking English). I'm thinking about using him for a research project I'm thinking up for class about "Male Homosexuality in the New City." Hmm...I get to play with gays and it be for a grade? Hecks yea!
(People like pictures, yea?) I'll put up some pictures later. As soon as I take some. It takes a lot of energy to take the camera out of my bag since it's mutha'f*qin' hot here.
It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, but it felt like something familiar and normal. I also had the chance to break away for a moment and be alone...and to feel comfortable with it.
I put in my Zune, just like America, walked around lost in my music, just like America, and watched TV, just like home.
I enjoy being alone sometimes. For the last few days we've been in groups, and although its great company, at times it's too many voices saying they want to go in different directions. Sometimes I end up doing not what I hate, but not exactly what I want to do. Today, it was nice to break away for a moment, collect myself, and decide that I wanted to do something as mundane as laundry. Alone.
What will I do when I come to China by myself and don't have a big group of people to relate to when I get here? I wanted to view this time in China as the practice run, and to really gain an idea of what it would be like to be here for an extended period of time. I can't do that if I'm in a nuclear America. I need to learn to think as a group and be around the cool American students, and when to be alone. Funny enough, when I'm by myself I more readily mix with Chinese people than when I have an American to talk to.
In other news, the owner of the vegetarian restaurant near our campus is gay, from Beijing, has a cute frame, and seemed to look me really hard in the eye (maybe he was focusing--I was speaking English). I'm thinking about using him for a research project I'm thinking up for class about "Male Homosexuality in the New City." Hmm...I get to play with gays and it be for a grade? Hecks yea!
(People like pictures, yea?) I'll put up some pictures later. As soon as I take some. It takes a lot of energy to take the camera out of my bag since it's mutha'f*qin' hot here.
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