未来

The “future” is quickly approaching, and it’s time for me to claim my destiny, and in turn claim my victory.

Or maybe it’s not that extreme, but my time abroad in lazy Xiamen was supposed to be when I focused what sort of job I would like, where, how, and to really consider what it means not to go directly to grad school, and not to take the GRE, and to really decide to face the world with my new college diploma (God willing) and a dream. Instead of joining in discussions with my friends about what schools offer what programs, where is the best location, and of course, after acceptance, how we would afford such a venture, I will walk across the stage in May and, supposedly, walk right into the job of my dreams.

I’ve decided not to worry about the situation and do my standard “just trust God” routine, but I believe I’ve taken that mean not do anything at all. I’ve been paralyzed, it seems, when it comes to doctoring up my resume, and even the most standard things such as location (CHINA!) are now up in the air. After what has happened with my Grandma, and with the importance of family and close ties to friends an every constant, I have to consider what it means to leave it all behind and to venture out into the world permanently, without the luxury of a return date.

There’s also the questions of my majors—Chinese was a good decision, and just in the knic of time since my love of Japanese has faultered, but International Relations, I’ve come to the ultimate conclusion, was one of my biggest mistakes. A major without any sort of focus or true preparation for a future career, I’ve never experienced such a mindless collection of classes and lack of cohesion in my entire life. What does one do with an International Relations degree besides work for the UN anyway? I’m not jumping on a sinking ship at this stage of life, and I will not spend my life cloistered in some broke-down part of New York, waiting for my ship to come in (Amber, of course, you feel me on this).

Yet, soon and very soon, not only is Jesus coming back but college loans are coming in, along with having to do what I promised my mom I would do when I was a “tiny tot for Christ”—assume all of my own expenses. My insurance(s), bill(s), loans and what not will all become my own responsibility, and while Caribou is fantastic at this stage of my life, I’m sure that my current salary and hours will not be able to cover the debt that my mom complains about along with standing up with my desire to be fabulous in clothes, pursuits, and standards. In fact, instead of writing this entry, I should have my resume on this screen, cutting and buffering up, and be posting that bitch on-line along with a bang-ass photo so that prospective employees can marvel at how fantastic I am at doing absolutely nothing the last four years.

Well, maybe it’s not that extreme, but the writing is on the wall.