深圳

*rant*

I was writing a message in Daegan's comments, and now it's turned into this.

The original comment was:

"...why is everyone badmouthing the whole teaching gig? Don't they know that me (and Diadra, and other Chinese majors) are in China to become super fancy specialist later on in life? I mean, damn! I'm not a foreign skeezoid, and I'm not there to lay down next to Chinese women. I wanna speak Chinese better than a 3 year old and make some guan-xi, shop, pay some loans, build up a resume, and scout out a high-paying job while studying for the 汉语水平考试 and the GRE. Jeez...>_<"

For further elaboration: I'm going to China because I have a certain set of goals in mind, and I want to accomplish them, and this is the best way that I can find at this time to get them done. It's not like I've never been to China before, but having been twice already and having a fairly good idea of what to expect, I'm not walking into this whole China experience with my head up my ass. I can speak a dabbling of Chinese, I enjoy my experience teaching English through BOLD at UNC and through my teaching gig in Xiamen, and while I may not love Shenzhen (because I haven't seen it all, I'm sure), I love Hong Kong, and can appreciate the location and it's proximity to other places as well as the friend(s...when Alex comes) I have there and my love of traveling and stepping out of my comfort zone (and, on some occasion, Chinese boys and men with accents).

When I first went to Beijing, I used to crack on the English teachers because they all fit the same profile: white men, non-Chinese speakers despite years in the country, sketch-ass, drunks, impassioned, and in China because they can't do anything better with their lives in their home countries. Also, what drove them to China (or to Korea, Namibia, and Saudi Arabia) was not an open-minded outlook and a thirst for adventure, but more of a chance to get over on some people who are in a more dire economic circumstance than they are. Now, after my Xiamen period, I've discovered that an English teacher doesn't have to fit that mold, and that the position is as big or as little as one makes it. I have the goals in mind that I listed above, and I plan to move onto something better as soon as I get the chance. Now, better has several connotations in my mind, and the biggest one is this: if my school offers me more money to stay on, and I'm not where I want to be at that stage in my life later at that time, then I'll keep my ass in Shenzhen and won't miss a second of accepting a good opportunity if I can get my hands on it.

Of course, in order to go to China, I'm giving up a lot, and knowing the fear I have that an episode like the one I had with my Grandma's passing may occur again, I'm proud that I won't let fear the Enemy implanted in my rule my life. I'm not running away from my family and friends because I love them dearly and the mean so much to me. What I'm doing is claiming my victory and what God has in store for my by accepting this opportunity, and running after a dream instead of sitting around wondering what could have been, filled with regret about the opportunities I didn't take when I had the chance. One things I know for certain is this: you don't always have the chance because a tomorrow is not promised to anything (death is promised but life is not). So, as long as I have breath in my body, I'm going to get through this life the best way I know how: doing whatever God will have me to do. There's a big difference between running away and running toward a destination.

How did I decide a day early? I was at Caribou, working on a paper due at 12:30 that I had just started at 7:30. I went to go potty, and while I was sitting there, Something came over me, and I knew what my answer was to be. Yes, it was in the potty, and yes, it was while I was sitting down, and YES! it wasn't in my plans, but I had asked for some divine help on this problem, and God provided, sure enough. Now, I don't know what is in store for me, but anything that the Lord has given his approval for will not fail. It might not turn out how we expect it to, but it won't be a waste of time.

So, while I didn't have the idea of becoming an English teacher in my plans, I'm thankful that it's with one of the best programs in China and that I will come out of it with skills and experience I wouldn't have had otherwise. I'm happy with my decision, and while it's still a ways off from August and the idea hasn't really settled in yet, I'm that in a few months I'll be able to rename this blog "Grinding through the Orient" because that's exactly what I'll be doing.

*rant end*

I'm seriously considering going into some sort of ministry. Not like divinity school or anything of that nature, but I think I want to work with troubled youth or as someone's guidance coach or a support system for someone who doesn't have one. Any opportunities?